“Our chief want in life is someone who will make us do what we can”
– Emerson
Sometimes in life we get stuck. Or maybe we get a sense that there is something missing. We yearn for more, long for new possibilities, to realise our full potential. Despite our best efforts we can remain unsure of what we want to do with our lives, how to move in a new direction, or doubt if change is even possible.
The practice of coaching is designed to aid us when we are in such quandaries. Everyone, at some point in their life (and perhaps more often than we would like to admit), encounters these challenges. So how can coaching help?
Misconceptions
Firstly, a few misconceptions about coaching: Coaching is not advice-giving; it is not prescriptive; it is not counselling or mentoring; it does not tell you what to do. There is no hierarchy in coaching. It is a collaborative process between equals.
Both coach and client enter the relationship with the purpose of serving the needs of the latter. The whole relationship is designed to support the client in exploring possibilities that can lead to action in a valued direction. The client is placed at the helm as the process is structured to serve them and their goals.
Why do people come to coaching?
Generally, someone comes to coaching because they are looking to make a change in some area of their lives: career; health; self-development; money; leisure; self-management; relationships.
The role of the coach is to identify what the goal is; explore with the client what their current reality is in relation to the goal; what are their options in moving forward; and then to agree some action steps to be taken before the next session in moving towards this goal.
Throughout this process the coach provides meaningful feedback and support to the client – a key component of the relationship is a sense of the coach being ‘on your side’.
Challenging the client
However, of equal importance is the coach’s role in challenging the client. A good coach must be truthful and say it as they see it. They look as much for what is not said, as for what is said.
It is the job of the coach to spot evasion, avoidance, self-deception, and self-sabotage in the client and relate this back to them. But all of this is done for the good of the client with the aim of removing the obstacles in the way that prevent the client from getting from where they are to where they want to go.
The coach seeks not to judge, but to understand the client, in order to best help them achieve their goals.
Questioning and understanding
A good coach will continually ask the why. Why is this goal important to you? What are you hoping to gain by achieving this? Is this in alignment with your values and who you are as a person?
Often what we claim we want is not what we really want. So a good coach acts somewhat like a detective in investigating and uncovering a client’s true needs, motives, and intentions.
Clarifying and self-knowledge
Coaching will help you clarify what you want and help you understand why you want it. It not only helps you get what you want but also understand who you are, and so leaves you with greater self-knowledge to make wiser decisions in the future, as the things that really matter to you become more clear.
Action and learning
The coaching relationship is not just a ‘how to get from A to B’. It is about action, but it is also about learning and discovery. This means learning about yourself throughout the coaching conversation and by reflecting on the feedback you receive from the action you take.
This process aims to open the client to new possibilities and choices. It may involve the emergence of fresh perspectives, paradigm shifts, and ‘A-ha’ moments of insight and understanding.
A process of personal growth
Coaching inevitably involves growth. The client will learn and discover new things about themselves – about their limitations and shortcomings, but more importantly, about their strengths and resources.
The client learns to tap into the creative energy and resources within them to overcome obstacles and achieve success in any area of their lives.
Throughout the process the client learns to use their values to guide them, transform limiting beliefs that keep them stuck, and develop the confidence and motivation to move ‘boldly in the direction of their dreams’.
Ultimately, the coaching process makes us more self-aware which empowers people to create change, move in a valued direction towards authentic goals, and fulfil their potential.